As a continuation of yesterday, I’m still very joyous in my days. All is going well and I can still smile in the face of challenges whether they are internal or external. I’ve always enjoyed adding some discomfort in my routines one way or another, but today I felt really reflective, though there were no pressing issues to reflect on even though a part of me really insisted that there might be something. No wonder! I’m finally able to “breathe” emotionally for an extended period of time in years, and I feel as though this is quite unshakable, as it’s not just a moment, but a new baseline me. My mind circled back to a familiar issue, the one of not feeling like I have someone I can call mine. A normal issue, one that I’ve sat with more times than I remember this last year. Though… As thoughts rose, I began to feel the beginning of a somatic anxiety, as this issue’s closure is far from concrete. I generally have issues believing in the closure of situations that seem abstract to me. For example… Of course, I probably will not be friendless until I die, but I have a hard time believing in that, as many more questions arise (I could get into it, but that’s for another time and deserves a full series of posts on its own). Instead of feeling the slightest fear from the anxiety, I completely leaned into not as something I should solve, but as something valuable. It’s hard to do deliberately and most of the time it doesn’t work if you do it intentionally, and I think I only managed to do so because of my history of leaning into discomfort. It was completely automatic. The best kind of approach, because when things like this happen automatically, it becomes a default reflex/reaction. It’s not healing anymore, it’s healed. That made me very happy. Proud of myself for this one. It always feels a little less grand when writing post-situation, as it can be tough to express things that rely on the intuitive function, but I assure you this was huge for me.