Me and two other people (the dream didn’t tell me who they were. No ‘feels like [name]’ nor appearance, I just knew there were 2 people with me) were in a small, abandoned train station/warehouse kinda place. It was night. We were scavenging for whatever reason, and I feel like both (cause I didn’t see it) killed what I feel like was (I say “feel like” when we don’t see something in dreams but we feel like it was something, y’know? That’s key in dream interpretation) a monster. Humanoid, muscular naked man kinda, but with an ear instead of a head. We had to leave fast.
I went to a control room kinda thing, and my companions hadn’t looted it thoroughly. I did, but accidentally pressed a red button. This raised a big platform (the 2 people were already on it, but I had to climb it quickly) and on the top, a small, red cube came out of the very middle. We poked it. It seemed to be antigravity, as it was levitating and floated away slowly with a poke. But I could pull it with my mind. In the dream, we either said it was a demon core or that it looked like one (I know the demon core is something else IRL, but upon glancing at the cube, I immediately felt: ‘oh yeah, demon core’). I pushed it (with a wooden stick, if I remember correctly), and it floated away, but I recalled it with my hand.
I don’t know much of what happened later, but I remember us standing on another platform (perhaps a rock high up?), and for some reason, it seemed like the cube (we just guessed, but it felt true) could heal things or make them guardians of good. We were looking around (we had a good view of many lands around us and different biomes (like plains and swamps). We wanted to find the “black forest” biome, because we needed a kind of tree only present there. There was an extremely small patch of black forest in the middle of two big hills. Four trees. (Heyyy, number 4)
We wanted to make a gigantic, peacekeeping treeguard with the power of good from the cube. But we started being chased. The intruder (from the mandela catalogue (which is odd since the last time I watched it was at least 3yrs ago, so its interesting my unconscious recalled him) wanted the demon core. Me and a friend got attacked and he bested us. We got incapacitated, like in a videogame, by him touching us as if it was freeze tag. When you get incapacitated by the intruder in this specific dream, you turn black and white and begin sinking to the ground (not just you, but like… you sink and make a hole too around you, y’know? It’s not like… just you sinking like quicksand, you and stuff around you sinks). The other friend had to pull us both out.
I felt like he could use the core’s healing function on us, but I didn’t ask. He had a good amount of HP (I think it felt like 72 (my favorite number)). We ran, and as we did, the intruder had a crony with him chasing us now. There was something about this guy being someone who soiled himself? He didn’t right there and then, but I knew he did it a lot for whatever reason.
We arrived at a place, and here’s where it gets very confusing. I can’t remember much at all here. It was a place with many (empty) shelves (horizontally from me, and some left no space to get the other isle. You had to jump over), and there were two people there. One was a dark-skinned man in his 30s and the other person was a girl, I think? That’s all I knew. I tried convincing them that we (the Jedi, for whatever reason) were better than their new masters (who?). The man had listed downsides and things about the Jedi he felt disgruntled with (can’t remember). I talked over him because I felt urgency, then apologized for doing so, as to be more compassionate and hear his side first. My apology was quite polite.
Now this is where it gets especially rough. There’s always been a feeling of unease in all the dreams from here on out.
One part, me and some people were eating at a table on a balcony of a new restaurant. The table and seats with people on them took the whole small balcony space. My godmother was there. A plate was passed around with very little food. My godmother joked about me only having to eat a little because of the low amount of food. Nowhere near enough for all of us (small metal platter). In a building in front of the one we were eating in (I had my back turned to it), there were people sort of watching us, or people that I had to be careful about in general. Not sure. They were levels under us. Their level was the same height as an overpass. Their balcony faced said overpass.
There was something about someone sneaking out with something, then being caught, but the person who caught them wasn’t bad, just scared the surprise was bad, but it was like… a surprise cake.
Then…
The dream shifted to two kids talking on the phone as one raced their dad, which he was very close to beating (he never does, but it was a friendly match, they hugged after). And I don’t know what he talked about with his friend, but the friend on the line was very cocky and arrogant (not the one with the dad) (don’t remember what he said, but I remember his attitude was certainly impolite).
Night fell, and the friend on the line got scared he was wary of monsters around. I entered his POV. The monsters were passive until looked at, which was what made him (me?) scared.
Then: sleep paralysis. Caused by someone kissing me on the lips…? It was invasive and weird, but didn’t feel that way too much.
I had another dream later, it was a full dream but what stuck out to me was that an old classmate (boy) I had a crush on (but didn’t know) was kissing me violently. I don’t know. It felt nice. Maybe just my unconscious allowing itself to be ok with sexuality and stuff. There was also an authoritarian coach. He kissed me when the coach left, so maybe the coach stands for me judging my own sexuality? Or how I might be judged on the sexuality? Makes me wanna explore it. Anyways, this wasn’t the main dream. I want to focus on the cube one.
I HAD to interpret and analyze this dream. There are just way too many symbols here. A TON of unconscious activity. Not analyzing it would feel like self-betrayal.
The demon core: Floats, so its a spiritual symbol. Can be recalled with my mind, so its symbolic of conscious will. Can heal and/or create guardians of good. I currently assume it’s a symbol of my potential. (Because by using willpower, we can do positive things for ourselves, it’s powerful, can be sabotaged/misused, yadda yadda.) Creativity, intuition, depth. Easy enough. Resonates.
The four tress in the small biome and the black forest: No idea why we needed 4 trees. But 4 is the number of wholeness. In the dark forest… Trying to build a guardian in my shadow… Realm? Trying to ally with it? Sounds like something I’d do. But if that’s the shadow realm, then what did the intruder (the shadow man) want? Why 2 different shadow symbols? Not quite resonating…
Warehouse/station: Transition, storage. Scavenging what’s left behind? Probably lessons from the past. This resonates.
Ear man: ???
The Jedi: Compassion, light, discipline. I’ve been trying to be more compassionate and have been studying on stoicism (Epictetus: Discourses, Handbook, Fragments). Man is disgruntled = makes sense with me feeling unseen, unvalued (by others), etc. Everything here resonates.
Balcony restaurant: I’m evolved, “up”. I don’t like comparing myself to others as it can develop bitterness but I do feel I’m a valuable person. I get compliments in waking life often, regarding being “evolved” and “ahead of the curve”. I feel watched? Don’t know why. Not enough food in a table with many people = unnourished interpersonally. Even though I know enough people, my interpersonal relationships aren’t nourishing. Resonates quite well.
Surprise cake scene: ???
The two boys: The boy in the end activates the “jumpscares” (monsters) by noticing them. Naming a fear = being aware of it = fear is activated. Resonates
The intruder: This one’s complicated. Recurrent. Everyone in dreams aren’t other people, they’re always us, or rather, part of us. Obviously my shadow, but there’s not many things I actively fear, so what does he exactly represent, I wonder? My unconscious mind used him as a symbol of fear likely because when I did watch the mandela catalogue years ago, I’d be scared of the dark for days. What happens later in this day makes sense. He was a fear I haven’t leaned on in quite a while (Wait… He wants the cube, my potential, so here I am writing this post after not messing with my website in a while… Am I integrating the shadow then?). My biggest fear that I can actually name nowadays is the fear of rejection. But not in the normal sense. The intruder defeating me could likely mean leaning into that fear being quite compelling (heck, the goal of this very website is to expose myself to the public (my depth, creativity, ambition, etc) so I could comfortably claim “I’m doing enough. If anyone likes me by what’s in the site, they can reach out to me. If not, big whoop”. This fear of rejection is quite big as in the past few years I’ve had many bad/disappointing experiences. I know for a fact I am enough. I am passionate, devoted, intelligent, emotionally intelligent and curious, and a multitude of other positive adjectives. But the frustration comes from… I’m all this… And still on my own? Being on my own is fine, I enjoy solitude. But the worry is… Forever? And by staying in this fear which causes lack of initiative, am I fucking myself over? If I must carry this weight of solitude forever, then I’m ok with it. If this fate has been assigned to me, I will gladly accept it. My worry is… by maintaining passivity, letting the other take initiative up until a relation deemed to me as valuable enough is established (I always reciprocate and show gratefulness anyways + I’d easily take initiative then), I bring this burden on myself. If fate said “Hello. Someone will come to you in time, just keep doing what you’re doing”, I’d be fine and relaxed. If fate said “Hello. I mean no harm, just bringing news. No one will come. Do not worry, keep doing you”, I’d also be fine with that. The real bother is: “You must act first consistently and over and over, then there will be someone for you. If not, you cause forever solitude on yourself”. That’s where the issue lies. As I journal about it here, I’m not too bothered. But during the moment this was unraveling, it was quite the intense emotional journey. So interesting that by accepting Zeus’ predetermined fate for me, stoicism works as a survival myth that makes me feel chosen by the universe, even if I am rejected by individuals. Yet it doesn’t fully soothe the want for someone special. Not just anyone, as I wouldn’t settle ever. But someone who genuinely loves me and that I can love back the same. I don’t want to fuck future me over just because reaching out to new people is hard and takes up a ton of energy. “Okay. Let’s say no one comes. In part because I refused to reach out.” I might still be okay. I might be rationalizing. I don’t feel like I am. I am questioning my questioning. Complex. Feels deep. Makes me feel proud. And I’m only 22. If anything, if I end up with no romantic partner, I don’t think it’s necessarily a personal failing. I’m here exposing myself fully, after all. The world probably just missed on me. I accept the ache of not knowing, and commit to being someone so whole, that if love does arrive, it’s a miracle. And if not, I’m still a masterpiece.